ON BERBATOV AND SUAREZ, THE MOST ENTERTAINING PLAYERS IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE

A week ago a pundit on the Guardian Newspaper's exceedingly great 'Football Weekly Podcast', quipped that he would pay good money simply to watch Dimitar Berbatov bring down goal kicks, one after another. He then moved to state that Berbatov, with his languid brilliance and nonchalantly devastating play, is the most entertaining player in the Premier League at present. That statement has remained a point of interest in my mind since, not simply because it is a decent claim, but more importantly because the idea of 'entertainment' provided by a footballer is quite a difficult one to reconcile. What provides entertainment at a football ground? Surely, at the most basic and obvious level of cognition, goals (and the prospect of goals being scored) are what entertain the paying audiences of football matches. A player, whose skill set and aptitude for the game promises at least the opportunity for a goal to be scored, is surely someone who may be deemed 'entertaining'. Yet this qualification alone is not sufficient; for example, at the present moment I do not find Fernando Torres even remotely entertaining as a footballer, though he still holds the capacity to score goals. Furthermore, some quality midfielders, who may infrequently be presented an opportunity to shoot at goal due to their positioning on the pitch, have captured the imaginations of, and provided entertainment for, fan bases world wide. Claude Makelele in his Chelsea pomp was a quality example of this type of footballer. Therefore, the ability to entertain lies in another key facet, one essential characteristic, I would argue. And that ability is this; a player must look different in the way he plays football. He must move about the field and interact with the ball in a fashion that appears almost unnatural to the eye, yet is undoubtedly aesthetically pleasing. Unfortunately, paltry few men in the English Premier League fulfill this qualification, one of them being the man whose picture adorns the top of this post, and another who is almost universally distained...

ON NARRATIVES

A month ago, the 2012-2013 Barclays Premier League season may have held its defining fixture as Manchester United, buoyed by another Robin van Persie game-winning goal, overcame Manchester City 3 to 2. But while the British Press certainly made mention of United's heroic resilliance after conceding their two goal lead, of Wayne Rooney's brilliance and of Michael Carrick's midfield presense, England's journalists chose to focus more heavily on the ineptitude of one Mario Balotelli. Granted the rare start by gaffer Roberto Mancini, City never seemed to click in the attacking third while Balotelli was on the field. His replacement after 55 minutes, Carlos Tevez, made an immediate impact and was louded as having turned the game in City's favor (though of course they still failed to take anything from the match). The maverick ghanaian-born forward was called lazy, disruptive, off the pace, and was further lambasted for walking straight down the tunnel after being taken off the pitch, rather than sit with his teammates in the stands. Balotelli was singled out for being essentially the sole reason for City's lackluster first half from which they failed to recover. Mancini was criticized for his inclusion of the Italian in his starting XI, and many saw Mario's substitution as the beginning of the end of his time in Manchester...